Mini Me

I'd like to be mini me.  Or 18 year old me.  Whatever.

Not that I want to be 18 again.  I just like to have the waist I had at 18.  I've worked too hard to become the sort-of adult with some kind of moral structure and dash of responsibility.  I really don't want to have a "do-over" when it comes to personal growth.

Different times in my life have pushed me farther into adulthood.  Graduating from college/moving into my fist apartment/3000 miles away from my parents/getting a job that barely supported me.  Ahh, step 1.  Then moving back home, helping my only-child mother manage my grandparents as they went from condo to assisted living to nursing homes to death.  Sucky step 2.  And I still miss my Grandma.  Meeting G., getting engaged, planning a wedding, buying our first house, getting ahead in my chosen career.  Fun and freeing step 3.  Having a baby, becoming a mother, nurturing a marriage, managing a career.  How adult of me step 4.  Becoming estranged from my family, due to mental illness (not mine) and the desire to protect Kidlette from the craziness of my childhood, depression, weight gain.  Oh the fun of step 5.  Therapy, getting to know myself again, making exercise a daily priority, managing my weight and mental health.  Crap I really am and adult, step 6. 

This year I will be 40.  What will the next steps be?  Where will I be in 5 years?  

It is exciting, it is scary, it is fun, it is challenging.  Every morning when I wake up, I get to decide what in my life I am going to continue with, and what I can, will, want to change.

However, I don't think I'll wake up with the waist of an 18 year old.